Work-A-Lot

Being a Capricorn moon, meaningful work is the only thing that really calms me down.

Something about me doing something with my hands makes facing emotions much easier.

For example:
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Last night, I sent out about 1,000 emails.

Why?

Because it needed to be done.

I was tired.
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Common Myth: Workaholics like working a lot.

Truth: No.

I like resting.

I like sleeping.

Work is my coping mechanism.

Never stops.

One thought leads to another, that leads to another.

These thoughts make me feel like crap.

That is what depression is to me.

I get up in the morning, try to focus.

I think about good things, I try to concentrate on the grateful things in my life.

Then depression hits... it could be a combination of things.

I'm tired, the car won't start, it's cold outside, and the help I ask for doesn't understand what I need.

So what do I do?

(I say) That's okay, I'm just tired... I can handle it.

(I say) That's okay, the car is just having a bad moment... I can handle it.

(I say) That's okay, it's just cold outside, and the car won't start, and I'm tired... I can try to handle it by calming down.

(I say) That's okay... I'm just tired, and I need to figure out what to do now, and it's cold out, so I need to handle that... okay... I'm tired, I am having trouble thinking... I can handle it... it's okay.

(I say) I'm tired... I can figure out what to do with the car... okay... it's cold... I'm having trouble thinking... okay... I need to get out the car and go in the store... okay... I can ask for help.

(I say) I'm tired. I can handle this. I can do this. I am tired.

(I say) Okay, I'll just need to get the car started and things can be okay. Let me focus on that. Okay... let me maintenance the car... while I wait for it to possibly charge... so that I can go home and get warm. I can deal with it a while longer.

(I say) Okay, I have to find something to do while I wait for the car. Okay. I can handle this.

(I say) Okay, I can figure out what to do with the car in the meanwhile. I'll try again.

(I say) Okay, the car started. Good. Okay. Now I have to drive the car on the highway. I'm tired. I'm having trouble thinking. I can handle this.

(I say) Okay, where should I go? How long should I drive? I'm tired. I can handle this.

(I say) Okay, what should I do to prevent this from happening again? I'm so tired. I can drive. I'll just zone out.

That was about one hour of steady thinking.

I still have yet to stop.

That's why I'm writing now.

To stop.

Now.