My First "Official" Post - Friendship, relationships, and "hot buttered" stuff

Hello all,

I woke up this morning a little upset. I was trying to figure out what to do with my feelings.

Last night, my fiance and I had a long talk about caring and what it was like to be loved. I remember talking to her about how I never really thought that people "caring about me" was "not giving up". I thought they were two different things and that I was asking for too much when it came to making friendships and lasting romantic relationships.

I also remember talking about the difference between being loved by someone and someone being my friend. Believe it or not, I didn't know there was a real big difference. I always thought that these girls I would meet would be mad at me or behave the way that they did because they were trying to be my friend and I was not acting right. It was really because they liked me... like wanted to get with me. Although that might be obvious to some, I really didn't know that until I sat down and talked about it recently.

So now that I know this tidbit of information, I am very clear when I see a girl look at me a certain way that she is interested in me, whether she is aware of it consciously or not. I have always been able to see it. Now, I am the first one to think that I am very curmudgeonly and have very little striking good looks. I was a pimply kid who had this thick, juicy Jeri curl and talked very little. So to have these ladies look at me like some hot buttered biscuit is far beyond my understanding.

Evidently, somewhere in the middle I became this hot commodity. So, after all this research, talking, and getting on my fiance's nerves (no doubt), I finally figured it out and let it soak in that these girls liked me. Okay. Now what? So, I was eager to test it out. I wanted to see if I was right at all. So I tried it today. Yeah. My fiance was right. *Deep breath.*

So, now that I have this arsenal of information, I tried to figure out what to do with it all. Most people would say "Nothing." I would say that I need to find out how to deal with it. So, I think the best defense is a good offense here... basically meaning no bighead - just taking it as it comes.

After all this introspective thought, I figured that the best action would be to just wait. Wait for something to happen that I can deal with.

The Purpose of this Blog

Hello all,

This is my first "public" blog outside of Facebook and MySpace.

The purpose of this blog is for me to express my feelings, thoughts, and other things and receive commentary back from others about what they think, feel, and want to share, etc.

As my first entry, I felt that I should introduce myself and tell you something about me:

Growing up as a young child, the only thing that I knew was that I wanted to get out of the ghetto. I didn't know anything about life outside of it... just that I didn't want to be in it anymore. By the time I had received my scholarship to college, I knew that I had to chance "to be something". I tried forming relationships with my father (who I haven't seen for many years now... probably close to 15) and other people that I thought I wanted to know before I left, but it seemed like they weren't very interested. So, by the time I turned about 21, I figured that I knew everyone that I needed to know and would make new friends along the way.

Fast forward to 30 and I am still finding my way along the friendship highway. I think the most important thing I have learned is that people will be whatever way they choose to be. My partner (of 7 years now) has chosen to love and care about me. I did not ask her to, make her, or demand that of her. She chose that on her own. And now I see that I must choose people like her in my life.

So for now, what you'd need to know about me is that I am a super techie, super Trekkie, and that I love dining out and watching movies. I am newly vegan (for about 5+ years now) and am a HUGE Matrix fan. I can talk about the movie for hours!

Oh, and I'm pretty quiet. I don't say much, but when I do, I try to put some thought into it! I believe it's better to say something useful than a lot of nothing!!!

Well, that's the summary of me. What about you? What are your hopes, dreams, fantasies, whatever? I hope to see how this new "relationship" I'm forming turns out. Wish me luck!

Peace.