Minutia

\mə-ˈnü-sh(ē-)ə (noun): Trivial details of something.



I go through daily details, in my head... of everything.

People, places, things... conversations.

I examine each one, determine an outcome, and use it to analyze the success or failure of my life at that one point in time.

I then extrapolate out all the important parts, the "life changing" or "mood turning" event.

I take it, and then, check how each is related to the other.

I determine an overall analysis, being careful to determine that I have chosen the correct resolution/solution/investigation that is relevant for the particular item.

Within my conclusion, I detail out each action, how it could of changed, and what I did or did not do wrong.

At the end, I conclude what I should do, should the occasion arise again.

The only question that comes to my head, "Did I look at EVERYTHING?"

Is there something that I missed?

Oh god... what if I DID miss something?

What if I haven't learned my mistake?

What if it happens again, because I wasn't paying attention?

I live my life like this... every day.

My friends don't even know, because I'd never tell them.

But, I think they do see it...

... my analysis, my self-judgement, my self-deprecation...

... my... self.

I see the details of everything.