Father

I pretended to be a father figure.




This pretending was so good, that I believed it myself. For years.

I mentored a young woman through some of the rough days.

And I believed, for a moment, that I was worth something to her.

And now, I know that it was all an illusion.

Regardless of what happened, I can only apologize to her.

I made her into the child that I should have never had.

I spent hours talking to friends and family... and came to the conclusion that I was under a strict illusion.

That illusion was me, being this filler-father for an absentee one.

I see that I only projected what I only hoped to have in my own life.

And now, the illusion is gone.

I cried for three straight days, almost driving myself insane.

And then I realized, I'm not the father.

I'm not even the cousin or weird aunt.

I'm no one.

And with that, I realized, too, that I had to stop.

I was subjecting this young lady to my illusion.

I was being her unwanted father.

So I stopped.

And I told my people around me that were still left, that I'm sorry.

I told them how I understand now that I lived under an illusion and have come to peace with it.

I already knew that I've hurt so many people in my life with this thought.

And now, I was ready to take on the full responsibility of stopping it... and the illusion.

I am sorry.

I am wrong.

And now, I'm going to get out of the way.