Silence

One of my favorite movies:

"It rains on the just and the unjust alike. The Comedian was a little bit of both."

There are rare times when I can just simply sit down and enjoy a film.
Tonight, I tried out Hansel & Gretel, you know... the witchhunters.

I won't sit here and say that the plot and twist wasn't a little bit to be expected.

But I will say, that more than ever, the actress that plays Jean Grey in the X-Men films has more than revealed her ability to play a mean and evil force to be reckoned!

But, while I was watching, I wasn't quite whisked away.

Even with drink in hand, heated seats, and a full belly... I was still worried.

The noise in my head would rear up every time there was a flash in the scene... or when I needed to look away from the blurry 3-D wood-chips flown off by the bullets.

I was more than worried... about money. 

And all I could say is... DAMN, I had enough cash... and now, I've ruined it.

I can't even be nice and pay for a decent meal like I'd like to... this sucks.

And all I wanted, more than anything, was to be absorbed in that heated lounge chair, drinking among semi-well-behaved individuals, and feeling... grown up.

And then I wondered... they all have houses they live in... semi-well-manicured lawns.  This $30... nay... $60 meal-movie-date was something that these people laughed about... enjoying their time... it was almost meaningless to them.


The worries just continued to pile up in me and I said to myself, "Just pretend... pretend to have a good time... pretend not to be worried."

So I did.

I spent a good half hour pretending that things were okay.

I tried to enjoy every shot, victory, and "awww" moment.

But, my mind... it kept reminding me that it was all fake.

In my heated seat, with my full belly, I felt empty.

The movie stopped, and so did I.

I stopped talking for a while.  And then, when I talked, I cried.

I was so upset that my tears turned into angry words, and those turned into frustration.

I did my best to try to be "okay"... pretend as though the worries did not bother me.

But they do, and of course, as usual... I succumbed to the depths of depression.

And to the outside world, I was just a little down on my luck and needed a good laugh.

So, I stay... silent.