Exhausted

I couldn't find a video to relate to what I feel right now, so I'll just have to do without.

Today, I am recovering from diarrhea, dehydration (obviously), lack of sleep, and general overall tiredness.

I'm at the end of a 40 hour work-week... dealing with questions, snippy answers, and loads of attitude.

The last thing I needed right now, and this morning, was to experience anything that would have just made dealing with all that any harder than it needed to be.

Recapping on last night for a bit: I had to talk about money.  I hate talking about money.

That's why I want a lot of it... so that I don't have to talk, worry, contemplate much more about it than just keeping track of it.

Anyway, I devised a plan for money for the new few weeks.

Fast forward to this morning: While showering and having my "all the thoughts that I can think about peacefully" time, I noticed that I made a grave error in my calculation.

My brain had no time to actually figure things out, just enough to say "Let me get to work, first, and figure it out... then, hash out the fine details."

Well, no such luck.

The same crap happens: I try to talk about stuff that I "should" talk about but not want to... issues ensue... then I have to still deal with the stuff I don't want to talk about PLUS the issues.

What I really want to say: "This conversation is over."

What really happens: There's no f*ing way that this conversation should end this way... let me say what I wanted to have happen.

What the problem is: Attention span.

For some earthly reason, I seem to have a patience and attention span that is greater than most human beings.

I still watch TV, play the occasional video game, and talk/text on the phone like everyone else... well, I suppose that I do.

I guess it's the whole "substance thing"... I feel that nothing can be gained from two seconds of observation.

Other than, you know, bigotry.

All you get is a rough estimate... real investigation and time has to be spent to either prove or disprove your ideals and hypothesis.

The thing is, all this "research" is exhausting.

Some people give snap judgements, which must take only about a cubic centimeter of energy out of their brain.

Me, I use a bunch more than that...

... and I give people a chance to show me their true selves before making some sort of judgement on them.

And that philosophy has filtered into my life... defining me as a human being.

I only get the best out of people, places, and things if I actually use my powers of patience.

Anything less would be uncivilized.